


Avengers Tower Is Not A Kindergarten

by skeletondust



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben doesn't die, Crossover, Dead Reginald Hargreeves, Five Doesn't Disappear, Not Beta Read, Not!Fic, TUA crossover, basically if it happens after or is Civil War ignore it, like a whole lot of it, mcu crossover, no beta we die like ben, not edited, well sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletondust/pseuds/skeletondust
Summary: A semi-not!fic crossover of the MCU and The Umbrella Academy in which Reginald dies on a mission gone wrong and the Avengers take in the thirteen-year-old Hargreeves. Written entirely for my own enjoyment.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 25
Kudos: 236





	1. Tony and Rhodey rescue a bunch of superpowered children cuz SHIELD won't

**Author's Note:**

> Basic info: The Hargreeves are born in 1999 instead of 1989.

Six months after the invasion of New York, the Umbrella Academy is brought to the attention of the Avengers.

An alert comes in courtesy of the SHIELD systems Tony may or may not have had JARVIS hack into (really, it was too easy) that barely gains his attention. Something is happening in some lab in Ohio that they've been keeping an eye on for shady activity or whatever. It's been intiltrated by some new group of heroes with some stupid sounding name. This is not news to Tony, new heroes and villains and groups and organizations were popping up at least once a week since the invasion, they were rarely ever of any interest and could easily be left to Fury to deal with. But he's bored, so he opens the file relating to this 'Umbrella Academy'- seriously, that name is so childish, even by his admittedly immature standards- and starts skimming through it and

WHOA. Wait. He stares at the pictures of the supposed heroes, trying to process what he sees. Those are  _ children _ . Actual, literal children. In sleek black suits somewhat reminiscent of what Nat wears in battle and domino masks. They can't be older than twelve, maybe thirteen, if these pictures are at all recent, and a quick check of the date of upload confirms that these pictures are from a robbery turned hostage situation back in September.

He backs out and reads the alert more closely. The lab in Columbus houses some shady organization doing some sort of dangerous research that he really does not care about right now. The Umbrella Academy, these child superheroes with actual powers, are conducting an infiltration to get this research and destroy the lab for their leader/father, Sir Reginald Hargreeves- a man Tony has only met a handful of times but who he has always found thoroughly discomforting, and now it seems like he had been right in that assessment. But the infiltration has gone horribly wrong and now there's reports of fighting and gunfire and explosions all around the compound and Tony has read enough.

"JARVIS, get my suit ready! And call Rhodey!"

" _ Yes, sir _ ."

Less than two minutes later they're suited up and on their way to Columbus. Tony quickly explains the situation and then jokes that Cap is going to be so jealous that he doesn't get to play the hero this time, then makes a note to JARVIS to remind him to start research into ways to make their jets faster and more efficient with less fuel.

They arrive at the lab in an hour. The fight is still happening and whether or not that's a good thing is a debate neither of them want to have, but the lack of any SHIELD agents being a bad sign isn't something they have to debate at all. Slow, incompetent bastards.

War Machine goes to handle the perimeter while Iron Man heads inside to find the kids. It's easy to find them, just follow the sounds of gunfire and shouting.

Bodies, unconscious or dead is hard to tell, litter the floor of what might be a testing area or maybe a cafeteria, also hard to tell but it doesn't matter. What matters are the four kids still fighting and the two he can't see anywhere among the chaos.

First things first, take out the bad guys and protect the kids. Avoid the tentacles coming out of that boy's stomach and try not to get hit by the things the other two are throwing.

It takes all of six minutes to knock out or otherwise incapacitate the bad guys and secure the room. Being unexpected helps, it's clear these guys had been prepared for the Umbrella Academy's attack but they didn't expect Iron Man to swoop in and start blasting everyone.

The second the fighting is over, two of the boys start bickering over what just happened while the third pops out of existence for a second and reappears near them, and the forth- the one who had tentacles coming out of his guts- no longer has tentacles coming out of his guts, is soaked in blood, and looks sick to his stomach as he limps over to the group.

Tony lands in front of the bickering boys and interrupts their bizarre argument about whose fault it is that everything went wrong.

"Okay, cool it, children. You can have your petty teenage arguments later. Right now I count four heads when there's supposed to be six, where're the other two?"

The tall blonde boy crosses his arms in a way that is way too similar to Cap but somehow far more egotistical, and holds himself up with self determination that would be impressive if he hadn't had an obvious nosebleed and various scrapes, cuts, and bruises. "Who's asking?"

The brown haired one speaks up next to him and practically snarls, "That's Iron Man, you idiot." Tony notes the bleeding gash on his forehead and decides to check for a concussion later.

The blonde drops his arms and takes a less arrogant stance. "Oh."

Tony smirks behind his mask but drops that himself as he pops the helmet open to show his face. Kids probably feel more comfortable that way, he figures. "Now that that's outta the way, do you know where the other two are?"

The tentacle boy finally finishes limping over- sprained ankle, likely. "Klaus was the lookout. He tried to warn us of something but something cut him off, Allison went to check on him but then the guards attacked us."

"That's good. Now, where did they go?"

The kid hesitates for a second, seeming to think, but points at a door in a corner leading to some hallway, most likely leading to some kind of back entrance that they used to get in.

"Thanks, Calamari. Now you guys stay here-" he points specifically at the teleporting kid, who's looking dizzier than he had thirty seconds ago, adrenaline wearing off is a bitch isn't it- "And I'll be right back with your friends, savvy?"

The helmet snaps shut and he flies off before they have a chance to say anything. He's three seconds down the hall when he sees blood leading down another and there he finds a full grown man trying to strangle a little girl. He shouts and grabs the man's attention, the man's fingers slip just a little and the girl kicks him hard in the balls. He lets go and she falls back, coughing her poor lungs out, and Tony shoots the man with his blaster and shoots him again for good measure. His unconscious body joins the pile of possibly dead but hopefully only unconscious bodies of his comrades.

The girl- Allison, he thinks tentacles called her- coughs for a few more seconds then tries to stifle her own pain as she half crawls half knee-walks over to a curly haired boy who is laying in a bloody mess on the floor. Tony lands beside them and has JARVIS survey his injuries- two breaks in his lower right leg, a break in both bones of his lower left arm, a very sprained right wrist, badly bruised ribs, a face covered in fresh bruises including one very swollen eye, a split lip, a broken and bleeding nose, and a gamut of other bruises and cuts all over his body.

"He-" she tries to force herself to talk but it comes out ragged and harsh, and she falls into another coughing fit.

Tony places a gentle hand on her shoulder and surveys her injuries as well- bruising from the strangling, a broken arm to match the boy's, less severe but still bad bruising on her ribs, two sprained ankles of varying severity, and a black eye and swollen lip of her own.

He needs to get them out, now.

"Shit. Just focus on breathing, sweetheart, don't talk." She nods and tries to comply. "Okay, now, I'm gonna have to carry your friend here-"

Allison interrupts with a ragged breath. "Br-brother," she manages to choke out.

He tries to put that information aside for later, when he has the chance to properly read up on them. "Right, yeah. I'm gonna have to carry your brother, okay, and I'm gonna need you to hold onto me. Like a piggy back ride, alright? It might hurt but you think you can do that?"

She nods again and wraps her arms around his neck with only a quiet whimper- tough girl. Tony very, very carefully lifts the boy up and is relieved when his not-swollen eye snaps open and he lets out a cry of surprise. He knows he's alive and conscious, JARVIS told him that with the injury reading, listing off his vitals as well, but sometimes that information doesn't quite register until he can see it for himself.

He gets them back to the other kids- they're all siblings, aren't they, holy shit- and puts them both on the floor. Tentacle boy and the kid with a knife gripped tightly in one hand and his bleeding, clearly stabbed arm gripped even more tightly in the other both shout "Klaus!" and immediately run to his side. The blonde goes to Allison, but she unsuccessfully tries to wave him off as she can barely sit up on her own. The teleporting one stands shaking a little bit away with concern painting his otherwise surprisingly controlled face.

Tony makes a call directly to Director Fury, which he shouldn't be able to do but still does all the time anyway, and demands that SHIELD gets there immediately, ASAP, ten fucking minutes ago goddammit you slow bastards, you should've been here before me, what's the point of your shitty security if you don't do anything! And he hangs up.

"Help is on its way," he announces.

"I-isn't that w-w-what you're supposed to be?" knife boy asks.

"We're the cavalry. Front lines, all that. Calling in the authorities now, so they can deal with these…" he tries not to swear, "...guys who attacked you."

He has JARVIS survey the rest of their injuries. They all have an assortment of cuts and bruises that would heal easily enough. Tentacles has it the easiest, despite being covered in blood very little of it is his own and at worst he has a stomachache. The blonde has it second best with some bad bruising but nothing much worse. The teleporter does have a concussion to compliment that forehead gash, fortunately one that doesn't seem too bad, as well as a few fractured fingers. Knife boy has a stab wound on his arm that he's actually doing a pretty good job of stemming the flow of blood on, plus a dislocated shoulder on the same arm. No internal bleeding or other injuries that would require surgery. Good, alright, they can wait a few minutes for help to arrive. But with nothing to do but wait, Tony convinces the knife kid to let him pop his shoulder back into place.

Diego, or Number Two as JARVIS kindly decides to inform him, grits his teeth and makes as little noise as possible when his shoulder is popped back into its socket. Just as that happens, War Machine flies into the room holding a very scared looking girl about the same age as the others, but wearing a school uniform instead of the black suits and masks. Her right arm and leg and a bit of her face are pretty badly scraped up, like she had been thrown across gravel.

The teleporter, Five, sees her and says, "Vanya!" He tries to pop over but his powers don't seem to work and he stumbles, gets caught by the arm by the blonde, Luther, or Number One. Vanya rushes over to his side eyes growing wet with tears and sob choking out of her.

"Vanya, what happened?" Five asks as he shakes off the other boy's grip and immediately wraps the girl, who Tony is informed is, in fact, his sister, they're all adopted siblings, in a hug.

"Where's dad?" Luther demands. She just sobs. "Vanya,  _ where is dad _ ?"

"L-leave her alone!" Diego snaps.

"Something's happened, we need to know what!"

Allison swats her hand at him, apparently trying to tell him to back off.

Klaus, finally rousing from his unconsciousness, lets out a pained and weak, "Hey, Vanny," as Five sits her and himself down next to him and Ben.

Rhodey opens his helmet. "Look, kids, this probably isn't the best time to-"

Luther's eyes snap to him and he looks like he would have jumped up and thrown War Machine across the room if he wasn't supporting Allison. "What happened to our dad?"

Rhodey sighs and relents. "He's… dead. They got to him just before I could get there."

Silence, save for a sob that Vanya attempts to stifle.

Klaus breaks it with a distressed whine. "Oh, shit!" He's almost crying but is stopped with a twinge of pain from his ribs. He waves his better-but-still-not-good arm around limply until Ben takes it. He mutters something that sounds like "I don't want to see him," while Ben shushes him comfortingly, and Tony doesn't worry about if that has something to do with his powers- which would mean ghosts, which would be absurd- or not right now.

Luther carefully lets go of Allison, who can sit up on her own again even if it takes effort, and takes a threatening steps towards War Machine. Rhodey doesn't flinch.

He stops a few feet short. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean I was late," Rhodey explains, calm and cool. "I'm sorry."

Luther looks ready to launch him across the room when Five interrupts. "Wait, Luther! It isn't his fault, it can't be."

He turns around in a snap. "What? He just said-"

"Use your stupid useless brain for once! God, I can figure it out and I have a concussion."

Luther balls his hands into tight fists but remains quiet.

"Think, blockhead!" Five points at his own head for emphasis. "Dad and Vanya would've been watching from buildings over, they couldn't have known where they were unless they knew about our mission beforehand. They knew we were coming and they planned ahead and they killed dad because they wanted him dead. They played us!"

The gears turning in Luther's mind are practically visible. First his face drops, then his fists, then his head.

There's no chance to deal with that thought, though, as a group of gun-toting SHIELD agents burst and flood into the room, guns trained on the group of  _ children _ , dammit, Tony is going to have  _ several _ words with Fury later.

Luther and Diego immediately jump into fighting stances, while Five stands and steps in front his injured siblings and Ben tries to shield (pun intended) both Klaus and Vanya and beckons for Allison to get closer to him.

Tony and Rhodey both whip around and train their blasters and War Machine's shoulder guns at the agents.

"Alright, everyone, let's all just calm down," he reasons. "We've already handled the situation. Put your guns down."

They don't listen. Of course not. They won't listen to anyone except-

Fury walks into the room, the picture perfect bastard as always, the only thing missing is a jacket to billow behind him.

"Stand down, gentleman."

The gunmen stand down. So do Tony and Rhodey.

"The hell was that, Fury? Actually, nevermind, just help the kids, we can  _ talk  _ later."

"Already ahead of you, Mr. Stark."

He gestures and several paramedics come out from behind the group and head towards the kids. Diego prepares to throw a knife but Five grabs his arm, and Luther looks ready to fight but Tony holds up a hand.

"Chill, Meatshield. They're here to help. Promise."

He directs the last statement more towards Fury. Fury returns what he assumes is a glare with a calm look of his own.

"Get them to jets," he orders, and the paramedics begin to herd the kids out of the building, Klaus and Allison on stretchers, Five snapping at them not to touch him, everyone else following with some reluctance.

The second they're out of the room, Tony snaps his helmet open and starts arguing. Well, it's barely a conversation, let alone an argument. It's quickly made obvious that Fury is testing him in some way that he's just not going to think about right now matter how much he wants to, nope, no way, gotta prioritize. So he just chews the director out for being late and for pointing guns at children, even if they are superpowered children, and again for being so late and letting those kids get as injured as they are.

Then he tells him to send them to Avengers Tower. Fury asks him why he should.

"Easy." He holds up a new finger with each number. "One, I have a fully equipped and staffed medical facility that can easily handle their injuries. Two, while they might be in your custody, the Avengers are technically an off-shoot of SHIELD as such they'd still be in your custody. Third, I may not know kids very well but I pretty much am one myself if Pepper and the tabloids are to be believed, and I know that I'd feel a lot safer and be less likely to blow shit up in a cool, high tech skyscraper in the middle of Manhattan than in a sterile, gray, and cold base in the middle of who the hell knows where."

Fury smirks and gives the order to send the jets to Avengers Tower.

"I'll be in contact soon, Mr. Stark." And Fury leaves as the agents begin checking to see who's left alive to be arrested.

Tony and Rhodey fly back to the tower, calling ahead to let everyone who needs to know about the situation.

They get back in just over the hour it took them to get there in the first place. Rhodey heads inside to give a more detailed explanation to Steve and Bruce- the only two other Avengers currently in the tower- and probably submit some kind of report. Tony checks in with JARVIS who informs him the Hargreeves children are receiving medical attention and Miss Potts is keeping an eye on them. With that assurance, he heads to his office and begins a thorough reading up on the Umbrella Academy.


	2. Pepper Potts Meets the Hargreeves

Sometimes, Pepper really hates her job.

Don't get her wrong, she wouldn't want to work for any other company or any other person- Tony Stark is a great man (and a great fiance), as far as she's concerned. But working as Tony Stark's personal assistant  _ also  _ means working as Iron Man's personal assistant, and  _ that  _ means having to do a lot of things she doesn't particularly enjoy. Such as dealing with SHIELD, warding off lawyers angry about property damage, and right now, overseeing the immediate medical care of a group of superpowered children.

Pepper's not the most motherly of people- she's a business woman first and foremost. She doesn't hate kids either, far from it. No, that's not what she hates about this situation. She hates the fact that it's a situation at all. She doesn't know all the details yet but seeing children hurt  _ at all _ is enough to leave her wishing whatever had happened hadn't happened at all.

But there's nothing she can do to change the past no matter how hard she tries (and boy, does she try- fixing Tony's mistakes can take some effort), so she focuses on what she  _ can  _ do. She takes notes, compiling information from the doctors and from what Tony sends her as he does his own research, and starts mentally mapping out several plans of what to do.

All of the plans start with the same two steps before diverging: First, memorize as much as possible about the kids- names, codenames, numbers (numbers? Jesus Christ), powers, injuries, so on and so forth. Second, talk to the kids themselves and see their side of it all, hopefully gain a little trust and make them feel just a little bit safer.

The first step is easy enough for Pepper. Her memory is as sharp as a tack, it's part of why she's so good at her job. The second step quickly becomes a problem, however, as a million other little things begin to pop up one after the other that she has to deal with (work never ends…), then the doctors tell her she can't see them just yet, then more things pop up…

By the time Pepper finally gets the chance to see the children, it's nearing eleven thirty at night. None of them are sleeping- unsurprisingly- and six of the seven beds have been abandoned in favor of crowding around one.

It's a depressing sight. Seven kids in various states of injury, covered in bandages, bruises, and even some remaining dried blood, wearing drab gray hospital pajamas, all exhausted.

The single occupied bed belongs to Klaus (Number Four). He's sandwiched between two of his siblings, Ben (Number Six) and Allison (Number Three). Vanya (Number Seven) sits at the end of the bed next to her brother's not-broken leg, and Number Five (no name) sits in a chair next to her. Diego (Number Two) is standing stubbornly beside Allison while Luther (Number One) sits further away from the group, next to the windows overlooking the city, but still nearby. They're talking amongst themselves, though it borders dangerously close to bickering.

"Hello there," Pepper greets- interrupts- with a well-practiced but still somewhat genuinely warm smile. The chatter stops abruptly and all eyes turn towards her. "My name is Pepper Potts. I'm Mr. Stark's assistant."

"Who?" Luther asks.

"Iron Man," Five snaps. "God, you're stupid." Luther bristles at the comment.

"Why are you here?" Vanya interrupts quietly. Smart girl, trying to keep her brothers from fighting.

"Just to talk," Pepper answers. "There are some things we'd like to know, and I'm sure there are plenty of things you all would like to know. Would it be alright if I sat down?"

Vanya and Allison both nod and she grabs a chair from beside one of the other beds and sits, close enough that she can easily be heard while speaking softly but far enough away that the kids remain comfortable- at least as comfortable as the situation will allow.

"Would you like to ask your questions first, or should I ask mine?"

"I have a question!" Klaus, words slightly slurred, raises his sprained hand and waves it limply. Ben gently grabs it and places it back down.

"Ask away."

"What kinda drugs do they have me on? Cuz I feel  _ great _ ." He laughs a little as he says it, though winces slightly. His siblings roll their eyes and shake their heads, clearly used to this sort of behavior.

Pepper smiles. "Just morphine. It should wear off in a few hours."

"Aw, that sucks."

Luther looks about ready to jump out of his chair, but Five shoots him a glare.

"Maybe you should ask your questions first," he suggests. "It'll take less time than ours."

She briefly wonders if she should be gentle with them or if she should get straight to the point- Vanya looks about ready to burst into tears, Ben and Allison don't look much better, and Klaus seems too out of it between his injuries and the painkillers to be able to answer much properly. But Luther looks ready to punch his way through a brick wall at the slightest provocation (which, she supposes, he probably could), Diego hasn't shifted from his stubbornly held position for who knows how long, and Five is clearly irritated despite his decently well kept composure.

Ultimately, Pepper decides to go along the middle of the road- she keeps her questions short and to the point but words them very deliberately so as not to set off any of them. Five does much of the talking and answers the questions well enough despite his concussion, with his siblings occasionally interjecting, and Allison telling what happened when she went to look for Klaus. All in all, the questioning takes about fifteen minutes before they switch to asking Pepper their own questions.

They keep their questions almost as short as hers. Again, Five does much of the talking, and he asks very simple questions- why were we brought to Avengers Tower and not a SHIELD base (better medical facilities), why did the Avengers intervene (they keep an eye out and intervene where they feel necessary), etc. He only asks a few before giving a satisfied nod. His siblings begin asking their own questions then, ranging from the reasonable to the ridiculous (those mostly asked by Klaus) and they soon dissolve into semi-chaotic chatter. Pepper finally glances down at her watch when Allison attempts to rumor Luther and Diego slams a hand over her mouth resulting in her biting him and causing Vanya, Ben, and Klaus to descend into giggles, only to find that it's now nearing two in the morning.

"Well, I suppose it's about time I get going. You should all try to rest, it's been a long day," she says, standing and returning her chair to its original spot as she does.

The chatter and giggling dies off.

"Um, Miss Potts?" Ben asks quietly. She smiles at him encouragingly. "What… what do you think's gonna happen to us now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… Our dad's dead, what're we gonna do? We can't really go home, can we?"

Luther's anger, which he has clearly been struggling to keep control over, bursts out as he jumps up and shouts, "Of course we're going home! Don't be stupid!"

Five jumps up as well, matching his significantly taller brother glare for glare, teeth bared. Vanya grabs his sleeve in concern but he doesn't react. "Stop being so damn  _ naive _ , Luther! Our mother's a robot and our butler's a freaking chimpanzee, and we just got our asses handed to us by some goons, do you really think they'll just send us home?"

"We're the Umbrella Academy, we're heroes, we-"

"So what!? We're kids! We're superpowered  _ children _ with no proper guardians, they're not just going to let us go!"

The two continue to argue, viciously. Vanya starts crying, Allison is telling them off while trying to comfort her sister, Diego is looking for something to throw, Ben is yelling at everyone to calm down, while Klaus is looking increasingly nauseated. Pepper tries her best to talk them all down, but frankly she isn't used to dealing with traumatized children, her expertise lying in pretentious businessmen and hoards of journalists.

Finally, Allison seems to have enough.

"I heard a rumor that-"

She's cut off, shrieking as Klaus lurches and vomits off the side of the bed, just barely missing Ben's legs and splattering the tile with whatever meager food he had eaten that day.

The shouting and crying ends as everyone stares at the mess. Luther gags at the sight of it and turns to face the wall.

"Sorry," Klaus says miserably.

"Don't be," Five replies flatly, sitting back down.

Pepper sends a quiet message to JARVIS- thank god Tony had added text capability to his AIs- to get someone to come clean this up and give the poor boy, now whimpering in pain from his irritated ribs, some more painkillers.

That last part becomes unnecessary as Allison rumors him into a peaceful sleep.

"I think it's for bed," Pepper announces softly.

No one argues, though Five glances at her with a look somewhere between inquisitive and annoyed. He grabs Vanya's hand and leads her over to her designated bed then goes to his own. Luther and Ben shuffle off to their own and Allison makes herself as comfortable as possible next to her unconscious brother.

Diego doesn't move. "He's gonna w-w-w… He's gonna w-want donuts w-when he w-wakes up."

She smiles. "I'll make sure to order some."

He nods and turns to his bed.

"I'll be back tomorrow. If you need anything in the meantime, just ask one of the nurses. Sleep well."

Pepper leaves just as someone is coming in to clean up. She nods to them, feeling exhaustion creeping up on her, but makes her way to the elevators to head up to Tony's office.

This is going to be a handful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took forever to write and I'm not super happy with it, buuut it serves to get me from point A to point B. I really wasn't sure where to go with this, but here we are. Anyway, I have more fleshed out ideas for the next few chapters so it hopefully won't take nearly as long to get out. However, you never know with me, especially since I want to work on some of my other fics before writing more for this as well. Anyway anyway, hope you enjoyed!  
> ~Mel

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this entirely for my own enjoyment and to try out the not!fic style of fic, and I did thoroughly enjoy it! If you did too, awesome! If you didn't, shut up and go read something else! I have a lot more thoughts and ideas for this fic, but I don't know when I'll have them written. I also have ideas for X-Men and DC crossovers, too. So keep an eye out for those, probably.\  
> ~Mel


End file.
